Sacrifices
by senitai
Summary: Peeta battles to keep from losing himself. Through it all, he will never give her up. Peeta-centric


**Hello again! :) I'm back. This one is longer but still short, ****haahaa.**

**I adore Peeta and, I don't know, it's easier to write from his point of view right now? That and I love the books. gaah, I don't know.**

**Disclaimer: The Hunger Games and its characters belongs to Suzanne Collins.**

* * *

He dreams that maybe, just maybe, she isn't a mutt like they say.

Delly Cartwright says. Haymitch says. Some part of him says.

He's confined but he doesn't fight it. He knows that he is right in what he says. The battle, though, is between what he knows and how he feels. They bring in Delly. He knows her. They bring in Katniss. He knew her.

She is wrong. She was never right.

He has to save Delly. He has to save someone. He can save Delly; if only she'd listen.

But he dreams again that maybe, just maybe, she is who they say she is. That she wasn't a lie to him and to everyone around him. That maybe it was more than just a game.

They let him decorate the cake and that is something familiar. They let him eat with Gale and Katniss and Gale and Katniss and his hands itch to wrap themselves around her neck and he can't exactly hold his tongue when he sees them together. Even if she is just a mutt.

But he dreams and his dreams are different than his thoughts. As he reconciles these dreams, they slowly (oh, so slowly) turn into something he can recognize as truth. He sees her and his chest _aches_. He grits his teeth and turns the other cheek. He is not all the way sane. She is only halfway what he recognizes; only halfway something that is familiar. The other half still wants her dead.

* * *

He is not the same; doubts that he ever will be.

Tonight, he dreams that she loves him. He holds her and she doesn't scream as much. He pushes aside her hair as she dreams fitfully; stopping only to rouse her gently with a soft kiss on her forehead. He dreams that he loves her. He dreams that, instead of blood and flesh, he can clearly recall all of her kisses. Her hands, her body- they are all crystal and clear in his mind. As much as it angers him, he hopes he doesn't wake from it.

He does.

She leaves District 13 and he is left to train in solitude. Better she did. Maybe it will help him think because, they tell him one thing and his brain tells him something else. Manipulated memories appear where others should. Still, it's getting better. Delly Cartwright becomes something he remembers and isn't just familiar. Haymitch does too. So does Gale (unfortunately) and Prim and Prim's mother. And, eventually, so does Katniss.

He still battles that other side of him.

When he arrives, he can see it in all of their faces. That he is unstable. That he is prone to insanity. That he will kill her.

He is heavily guarded.

She comes to talk to him. The ache starts in his fingers and he presses his wrists into the handcuffs that restrain him. He continues to knot the string.

He wants so badly to kill her. He wants so badly to kiss her.

He doesn't know what feeling is more intense.

He now knows that things will take time. He will endure the pressure in his head. The aching of his fingers. The pain in his heart. Because, the part of him that remembers – the part that _believes _- doesn't want to leave again anytime soon. Because, amongst all the other things he has given her, he gives her his life. He doesn't want it. Never has, if she wasn't a part of it.

She leaves him again. He grits his teeth as he fights every urge in him to rush after her and end it. If he ends it, The Capitol will win and, maybe then, he will die as himself; as he always hoped he would.

The only comfort he receives that night is a dreamless sleep.

* * *

He remembers the explosions. He remembers the screams – _her_ scream- as they react. He doesn't remember much else.

He only wants to kill. So he grabs the gun and nearly smashes her head in.

She must be destroyed. She is _wrongwrongwrong_. Instead of her, he kills someone else instead; kicks him away. He is dead.

And now he's restrained and angry. They lock him away in the dark. Not in the dark. Let him out. It's too dark. And he continues until he is sure he is himself again; long enough to succumb to the dark around him. Maybe he is dead.

When he comes to, they don't know. They don't realize or pay attention. They talk about things that should be so obvious. Please, "Kill me." He is only doing more harm than good.

She refuses. They continue on.

All he can hope to do is rid her of himself. This burden she must seem to carry all by herself. She won't listen. Please, "Kill me", but all she does is take the key and hide it away. The same way she has always done her heart. There's only so much he can do to restrain himself. There is only so much the handcuffs can do.

But she won't listen. And then it's too late. The confusion is back and he calls out to her, "Katniss", so she'll know what Snow wants her to know. Too soon returns the urge to kill her. He doesn't want to kill her. They run. They run from the mutts; the real mutts that aren't her.

But the confusion (oh, the confusion) is so seductive- it calls to him.

Please, "Leave me."

She doesn't. She just kisses him.

Please, she begs. It takes everything in him to not wrap is fingers around her neck. The cutting feeling of the wounds around his wrists clears the confusion.

His life was never his in the first place. He'll stay.

He'll stay.

* * *

**I loved all the books to be honest. They all brought something different. But, for this piece, I guess I was wondering what could be going through his mind when he finally makes it to Katniss. I'll probably write some more as I explore their relationship. I have ideas and I'm excited to flesh them out.**

**Again, feedback please! :]**


End file.
